First year of marriage in Maricopa ‘great’ for same-sex couple

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Maricopa has thousands of married couples. Some of them are gay.

With the approach of the first anniversary of legal same-sex marriage in Arizona, Brad and Tom King had their own anniversary celebration. They were married in Hawaii last year, just months before it was legalized in Arizona.

“I knew it would happen,” says Tom King, 27. “I saw how people’s view on gay marriage was changing.”

Like many of their neighbors, they came to Maricopa for the housing and a chance to get out of the city. They knew they would get more for less in buying a home in Maricopa.

What was not certain was the reception they would get from the other Maricopa residents.

“We’ve notice things changing in Arizona in the last three years, but especially here the past year,” Brad King says. “When we’re out in public at the grocery store or whatever, we don’t get as many stares.”

“People are realizing it’s not a choice,” Tom says.

Maricopa, for the most part, has been much more welcoming than other communities, Brad says. They have lived here a year and a half.

“This city is very accepting. It’s comfortable. It’s our home,” he says.

They faced far more judgmental reactions when walking around Tempe Marketplace, for instance, or places in Chandler.

“They would stare at us the whole time,” Brad says. “It just doesn’t happen here. We get little stares here and there, but that’s it.”

Brad, 25, who “came out of the closet” when he was 20, admits to being sensitive to the reactions of others, but Tom says he never notices.

“They don’t know me, don’t know us,” Tom says. “We deserve to be looked at like we’re equal.”

In moving to Maricopa, they were looking for a good, calm neighborhood that felt relaxed. They settled on a home in Rancho El Dorado, where Tom says he does both the yard work and interior design.

“I’ve always loved Maricopa because people here are so friendly and laid back,” Brad says.

There are a few locations in Maricopa that are less hospitable than others, he says, mainly places frequented by older adults. Through their relationships with their grandparents, that is something they are prepared for.

Brad’s grandparents were “pretty accepting,” and Tom’s are “just starting to come around.”

“We also foster children, so we’re walking around with kids, and that gets attention,” Brad says.

Tom, has known he was gay since he was a teen and says he has always wanted children. It was something they talked about early in their relationship.

They could have gone the surrogate route but were moved by the fact there are 17,000 kids in the foster system without homes. They went through training and background checks and licensing, and eventually fostered up to three children at a time.

“It’s manageable, but it’s intense,” Tom says. In a house that is also home to two dogs, three cats, some chickens and a fish, they are back to one child, who just graduated from preschool. The other two children were returned to their homes.

Tom is a graphics designer for videos, movies and comic books, and Brad is a loan counselor. They met on an online dating site more than three years ago. Brad said he was looking for commitment. Tom said Brad stood him up on their first date in order to go look at a car.

After that, they connected pretty quickly.

They had a ceremony in May 2014 in Gilbert before 100 guests, with bridesmaids and the jitters and a crowning ceremony, and other normal wedding accoutrements. Then they “did all the legal stuff” in Hawaii, Tom says.

The U.S. District Court ruled Arizona’s ban on same-sex marriage was unconstitutional on Oct. 17, 2014.

“Amazing,” Brad says of the ruling. “It made it more real, to be honest. I didn’t need a document or a validation to know that I love him and I’m committed to him for the rest of my life, but it’s more real.”

“It’s accepted; it’s not a pushed-to-the-side subject,” Tom says.

When the ruling came down, Brad says Maricopans offered their congratulations. “It’s been great out here,” he says.

The first year of marriage has been typical of newlyweds as they learn to pick their battles, Brad says, “especially being dads to kids that are from the system like that.”

He says it’s rare for gay couples to make a commitment, “because of the views of the world, it’s a big hook-up scene.”

So they know they are setting a precedent for some people. They have seen a few other gay couples in town, but not within their circle of friends.

Brad says coming out in the first place was one of the scariest things he’s ever done, “because people do change their attitude toward you. I lost a lot of my male friends.”

But attitudes change the other way, too. He said his grandparents, in their 70s, were “all weird about it” when he first told them. Now they invite Tom and him over every week and talk to their friends about their grandson and his husband.

With one year of marriage behind them, Tom and Brad are looking forward to a 10-day cruise on their 10-year anniversary.

PHOTOS
Married a year ago and now living in Rancho El Dorado, Brad and Tom King say Maricopa has been very accepting. Photo by Raquel Hendrickson

The Kings had a uniting ceremony in Gilbert last year before being legally married in Hawaii. Since then, same-sex marriage has been legalized in Arizona. Submitted