Finding the joy of preplanning

By Kristin Gramando
J. Warren Funeral Services

No one is ever ready for the death of a loved one, but for Patty Higham, losing her mother unexpectedly when she was nine years old was especially devastating. Caught unprepared by the tragic accident, the family’s pain was compounded by a messy funeral process that delayed the service for a week.

Instead comforting his three young children and focusing on his own grief, Patty’s father was forced to spend precious time hunting down paperwork and arranging details and finances for the funeral.

“When my mother passed away there was just total devastation,” she said. “Nobody knew what we were supposed to do. We were just stricken with pain. Sitting and enjoying her life just wasn’t in the picture. I felt like the healing process was delayed for so many people.”

When her father passed away in 1995, however, she began to see things in a new light. Bracing for another logistical ordeal, Patty and her two older brothers met with the funeral home director, who explained their father had prearranged and prefunded his funeral service.

“My brothers and I didn’t know he had done that,” she said. “We looked at each other and said, ‘But what about all the other things we have to take care of?’ He said, ‘your father took care of everything.’ We went home and started enjoying our father’s life.”

Instead of sifting through paperwork, discussing funeral details and making tough financial decisions, Patty and her brothers were free to start celebrating their father’s legacy. They were able to begin their healing process with a clean slate.

Patty said the stark difference between her parents’ funerals was eye-opening. She realized despite the pain of losing a loved one, funerals can be a positive thing when the burden is removed from the grieving family.

“Funerals allow you to be around those people you love. It’s a glorious time to appreciate the deceased’s life. It does not have to be how my mother’s was.

“There’s a huge difference between being preplanned and not being preplanned, and we lived through both.”

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