More grandparents becoming parents again

259

More than six million children – about 8 percent of American kids — live with their grandparents, according to the U.S. Census Bureau. The University of California at Berkeley Center on Aging says in the past 10 years the number of children living with their grandparents has increased by 50 percent.

This isn’t something that happens only to a particular race or area or social class. It happens in all socioeconomic groups due to divorce, neglect, teenage pregnancy, the death of the parents, incarceration, unemployment, abuse, alcohol or drug use and abandonment.

It can happen to almost any couple with grandchildren, as Maricopa residents Barbara and Kurt Pietrzak found out. At a time when they were anticipating the freedom of retirement, their lives changed drastically when they found themselves raising two grandchildren.

Second time around the track
The Pietrzaks raised three children of their own, all of whom graduated from Maricopa High School. Their daughter Becky is a massage therapist, son Shawn is a U.S. Marine, and daughter Jennifer is in prison due to events connected with meth addiction.

“As parents we watch our children grow; we hope and pray for their futures; we plan with them and dream with them,” said Barbara. “None of us plan, dream or imagine a future of meth addiction. It just happened, and that is how we became grandparents raising grandchildren.”

The Pietrzaks never considered seeking foster care for Autumn, who had just turned two, or Ethan, who was turning four. They were granted guardianship by the courts in January 2005, and the next year, when Jennifer knew she was going to prison, she asked them to apply for custody of her children, which was granted in 2007.

Jerry, the children’s father, was also incarcerated for a time. He had no contact with the children until two years ago when he showed up clean, sober and employed. He now takes the kids every other weekend and pays child support.

“Having their dad in their lives has been so good for the kids,” Barbara said.

When the Pietrzaks were granted custody of the children, their son and other daughter were still at home. They credit their children, especially Becky, with pitching in to help care for the little ones.

“I think those first years would have been a lot harder on us had she not been there to help,” Barbara said.

Kurt was injured on the job several years ago and is home on disability. He takes Autumn and Ethan to school every day and gets them started on their homework in the afternoon while Barbara works for the Maricopa Unified School District in the district office.

“I continue to work,” she said. “I probably would have anyway, but, as any parent knows, raising kids costs money.”

Prior to the father paying child support, the Pietrzaks received a total of $204 per month in state assistance. In addition, the children have AHCCCS medical coverage. During the first six months they had the children, the couple received $150 from a Pinal County program to purchase furniture and major items the kids needed.

Difficult decisions
One of the most difficult decisions for the couple was whether or not to take the children to see their mother in prison.

“After doing some research and having many discussions, we decided that if they were to have any relationship with her, we needed to take them,” Barbara said. The kids were a bit apprehensive at first but now look forward to those monthly visits.

The Pietrzaks find some aspects of childcare exhausting – often the same things they went through with their own children.

“Grandchild siblings fight just like kid siblings fight,” Barbara said. “Some days we have homework wars, and some days they just sit down and get it done. I have to say the biggest challenge is that they have a lot more energy than we do, and it’s hard to keep up with them.”

But there are rich rewards for these grandparents, too.

“We get hugs and kisses; we get to hear about their day at school, and we know their friends and teachers. We get the unconditional love only a child can give,” Barbara said.

Still, on the weekends when the kids are with their dad, “we get a taste of what our lives would be like had things been different.”

Looking forward
Jennifer will be released from prison to a halfway house before the end of the year. The Pietrzaks hope she will become a mother to her children, but only time will tell.

In the meantime, Barbara and Kurt will continue with round two of parenting, which they have been doing for more 30 years.

“Would we do it again? You bet, and we’ll continue until Autumn and Ethan no longer need us.” Barbara said. “They are worth it! It’s not about us; it’s about them.