Stuffed creature helps family cope with loss

Who doesn’t love a Teddy bear? They’re among the most popular gifts for children and they’re frequently given to adults as expressions of love, congratulations or sympathy.

In the case of Ronna Vandever, 37, her Teddy bear, named Marty after her late husband, brings fond memories and solace.

In July 2009, Vandever’s husband died of a sleep apnea-related heart attack.

Still grieving, Vandever described her husband as her best friend.

“He always wanted my dreams to come true. He always had faith that I could do anything.  . . . He was loving, kind, smart, honest, spiritual, forgiving, supportive and an example to me and so many others.”

“He was a hero to our children,” she said. “Someone who our children always came to for guidance no matter how old they were. He always showed unconditional love.”

About a month after her husband passed away, she came up with the idea for a memory bear.

“I wanted something that I could touch, hold, and cuddle — something to keep this amazing husband and father’s memory alive,” Vandever said.

She discussed the idea with her four children: Nathan, 27; Adam, 25; Natasha, 18; and Matthew, 12. “We talked about it as a family and we all thought it was a great idea.”

Vandever’s bear was made first; all the other animals (including a snow leopard, frog and dog with a puppy) were made within a year of her husband’s death. Each animal is personalized with memorabilia such as pictures, sunglasses, watches, fabric from the family’s crest — “anything we wanted in our own bear.”

Her Marty has her husband’s voice taken from an answering machine message the family discovered after his death.

“In the message, he said all our names. He was going down the list of everyone at home so each person’s voice is recorded on the message.”

Marty, the official family bear, as well as the other animals, have helped the family cope with their loss. “We take him on vacations like to Salt Lake City, Utah, and Flagstaff, camping, hikes, family functions, hospital trips. . . . You can always tell when our children are really sick because they are always cuddling with our Marty bear. They tell me that it really does make them feel better and not alone,” Vandever said.
Each animal brings something special to each family member.

For Vandever, “it is something that I can touch and remember him. My Marty bear has my husband’s cologne so he smells like my husband and he makes the best pillow.”

For Nathan, the bear is a symbol of the man he misses and wishes he could have gotten to know more as an adult.