Join me in surviving sexual abuse with hope

“Wounds that sometimes never fully heal.”

This is what it has felt like for me many times in my life, as a victim of sexual abuse. As a young teenage boy, I was sexually abused by Catholic priest, a man who once enjoyed the trust and respect of my family.

My abuser is Friar Richard LaVigne, who according to Massachusetts State Police investigators, abused nearly 200 boys. He also remains their prime and only suspect in the murder of 13 year-old-altar boy, Danny Croteau.

As bad as sexual assault and rape can be for a victim, it was further compounded for me because it was also a spiritual betrayal by a religious figure and because it was male-on-male sexual abuse.

I reported my sexual abuse to religious authorities in an effort to prevent others from harm, yet it later turned out no action was taken and countless other victims were abused. As with many victims, I later wanted and needed to seek justice and have my perpetrator criminally charged.

A grand jury indicted my abuser, he was arrested and later released after a Superior Court Judge dismissed my case based on an earlier plea bargain regarding separate victims agreed by the District Attorney and LaVigne.

I continued to speak publicly to support the majority of victims who would never report their crime, many never seeking help and to make public demands for reform by the church. Other victims came forward and sought help and sadly, several victims of the same abuser lived wrecked lives of drug abuse, unemployment, disastrous family life and several ended in suicide, including one of my childhood friends.

My purpose in sharing my story today is my hope to bring further understanding and compassion to victims of all crimes and specifically to crimes of sexual abuse and rape. Also to encourage other victims that there is life beyond the trauma as a victim and that life can be an even fuller and more meaningful than you have ever imagined.

We see the world and people at its best and certainly at its worst. That understanding raises our sensitivity to everything. It can make us more suspicious, jaded, realistic, closed off – or, can be the catalyst for personal growth in relationships, work ethic, passion for life, making every day count.

Though difficult at times, I try to live my life like the latter by waking up every day with a sense of energy and passion to add value in our world. I strive to be positive, to love those around me and to serve others.

Most sexual assaults and rapes go unreported because of the emotional devastation inflicted on the victim. Between 10 and 13 percent of female victims report their assault, while less than 3 percent of males report theirs.

We must first realize that we are not alone, that our feeling of shame, guilt, betrayal and pain are not only natural, but speaking about these raw emotions and pain will allow us support from those who love us.

We understand that we don’t have to and shouldn’t live in shame, guilt and pain, yet eventually seeking support can lead to personal growth, understanding and freedom from the worst shackles of imprisonment – that of our spirit.

This guilt, shame, sense of responsibility and pain is not limited to victims, yet it is truly shared and sometimes with greater impact by those who love us most – our families and friends.

I want to take a moment to thank my family and friends – who mean the world to me – for their love, compassion, support and continued faith in me provides me with all that I need.

I also wish to thank all the Victims Rights Advocates here, who are so caring and supportive of us – you have saved and improved many lives.

I still have difficulty in close relationships although not in friendships. I have been blessed with more friends in my young life of 39 years than most will enjoy in two lifetimes.

It is the romantic relationships that I still have great difficulty and hope to some day overcome.

Connecting sexual experience and love in a healthy relationship is a tough challenge.

Personal tragedy can temper one’s spiritual steel. It has for me. I live my life with a fuller understanding and appreciation for the good in people.

I also understand the evil that exits and is often undetected. I have chosen a life in public servic to serve as a police officer, where I can impact people in a meaningful way to keep people safe, respond to their emergencies, show sincere compassion and love to victims and their families and know that what I do affects someone’s life in a very significant way.

I also serve our country in the Army National Guard, where I have served a tour in Iraq. I served as an Equal Opportunity Advisor and Sexual Assault Response coordinator.

I was the expert on command climate, to identify any issues that negatively affect morale and ethics in a disciplined combat unit. I helped implement the Army’s progressive policies to support victims of sexual assault and rape, to train soldiers and leaders in policies. But, more importantly, to give them an understanding of the impact of these crimes upon not only the victims, but their command climate and mission effectiveness.

By taking care of our soldiers and addressing many underlying issues in our units, our organizations success improved dramatically along with morale. This same dynamic occurs individually, when we identify the issues in our life and reach out and get help, we in turn become healthier, happier and more productive.

I have also commanded nearly 1,000 active duty soldiers in at our Arizona-Mexico border. I used all my life experience and training to lead. Our taskforce became the most successful from California to Texas.

In Iraq, I was ranked the No. 1 major by my brigade commander for 42nd Division’s Aviation Brigade, which includes five battalions.

In the Police Academy I graduated No. 1 honor graduate and was voted by my peers as the most exemplary officer. I earned my master of public administration with highest honors.

I share this not to be boastful or to claim to be smarter than others, because I’m not. I share this to prove to you – how we as victims can turn such horrible tragedy into an unmatched passion, a passion to live like every day is a gift – a gift to live and truly know that evil and good exists all around us.

I choose to be positive and to add value in this world. I will not live as a victim, but as a compassionate, loving, generous person – who cares about the people in my life and what happens in our world. I am not a victim, but a survivor who lives more fully with great purpose. Join me.

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