Love Works: Local ‘experts’ share tips on long-lasting relationships

[pull_quote_right]“If you can be with somebody in a motorhome for three or four months and not kill each other, there has to be love there somehow.” – Rich Kane[/pull_quote_right]Love means different things to different people.

The root of the word “love” as a noun is defined as “an intense feeling of deep affection” or “a great interest and pleasure in something.”

Synonyms include deep affection, fondness, tenderness, warmth, intimacy, attachment, endearment, liking, weakness, partiality, bent, leaning, proclivity, inclination and disposition. If used as a verb its definition becomes “feeling a deep romantic or sexual attachment to someone or something.”

Some people really know how to make love work.

Cyndee and Rich Kane of Province celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary July 6.

“We met in high school in 1966,” Cyndee said. “We were in high school four years, and I don’t know why it took us until our senior year to connect, but we did, in geography. We have been high school sweethearts and just kept it going. We ended up getting married.”

They admit the strength of their relationship is being best friends.

“He’s the gears of the clock, and I’m the hands,” she said. “We are kind of inseparable. If he’s doing some work, he will call me to help him out, even if it is in the garage.”

Cyndee said she is an artsy person while Rich is mechanical.

“We work well together,” Rich said. “She thinks of it and I get the project of … cutting it, building it and putting her ideas together.”

When asked what love is, Cyndee replied, “friendship and working well together.” She said as a couple, they are always looking out for each other in sickness and in health.

“We can trust each other,” Rich said while Cyndee Kane responded, “Yeah, but I won’t say that we don’t have little tiffs once in a while.”

As a couple, they take long trips together in their motorhome, often for months at a time. They have traveled all 50 states and taken 34 cruises together.

“If you can be with somebody in a motorhome for three or four months and not kill each other, there has to be love there somehow,” Rich said. Cyndee replies, “Yeah, that has to be love in a 38-foot motorhome.”

Rich said young couples who are falling in love “need to make sure before they get married that’s the person they really want to spend the rest of their life with. You have to realize that you’re making a commitment to that person to be with that person. It is fine to have friends but there is one person that your life is committed to and that is the person you want to marry. If you’re more interested in being out every Friday night with the guys while your wife and children are sitting home, it isn’t going to work.”

Rick and Julie Westby are counselors at Maricopa Behavioral Health Services in Maricopa. They’ve been married 14 years and offer a more scientific look at love.

Julie Westby said as counselors they like to say humans are “just love in molecules. We are molecules that are hovering, and the glue that holds us together is love.”

She said love works for some people and not for others “because they just choose not to” make it work.

“When people choose not to love, usually it is wrapped up in something in their psyche that is saying that they are not lovable, or they have been brought up in a belief system that says other people aren’t lovable,” Julie said.

Being best friends is also a key component to the Westbys’ relationship.

“A long time ago, I had a pastor say that love should be spelled T-I-M-E,” Rick Westby said. “I like to think of it as unconditional, positive regard. The ability to look past small stuff and to engage regardless.”

Julie added she is very likeminded with her husband. She warns not to rush a moment when you are “resonating” with another person.

Julie Westby said sometimes Internet dating can lay the groundwork for a relationship, and a couple can often know each other well before meeting in person.

Rick Westby said if people try online dating sites, they should be honest about what they like and don’t like to do.

“If you go on one of those websites right now there are probably 3,000 available people within 50 miles. It’s almost choice overload,” he said. “If there is one thing that seems off, next, next, next. That can really be a beautiful thing because after the romance, how are we friends? What do we have in common and what do we want to do?”

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This story appears in the February issue of InMaricopa.