Pastor has had ‘conflict in my soul’ since 9/11

I have had conflict in my soul since Sept. 11, 2001.

I remember that September morning when I first watched the Twin Towers fall. I was in Oregon and had a beautiful view out my living room window. Like most everyone else in America, I had my TV on and I saw smoke, people jumping from the Twin Towers, and finally a mushroom cloud of dust, entombing thousands of people.

I felt sick, angry, sad and frightened. I put out my flag and that evening I read the Koran to try and understand why people would kill civilians and innocents. Since then, I have not been sure exactly what to feel.

On the one hand, I want to get back at the people who inflicted such pain on my people and my country. I want justice and — I’ll confess — even punishment for the people who would kill civilians and innocents.

I supported the invasion of Afghanistan and joined the U.S. Air Force as a chaplain. While I do not rejoice at violence, I realize that it is a necessary evil in a world I believe to be sinful and fallen.

On the other hand, I know that, as the old saying goes, “two wrongs do not make a right. “I know that vengeance is best left to God (see Romans 12:19). I follow a God who prohibits killing (see Exodus 20:13) and a Jesus who encourages me to turn the other cheek (see Matthew 5:39). I was not sorry that Osama Bin Laden was killed, but I am sad that he and so many others have died. I also acknowledge the God who made me also made the Sept. 11 killers.