5 ridiculous reviews of Maricopa’s finest

An image showing the back of a Maricopa Police Officer in uniform, with an overlay of five stars. [Monica D. Spencer]

Forget restaurant raves — in the wild world of Yelp, criminal arrests are the new five-star salute.

Would you online critics give the same sparkling recommendation to a cop as you would a memorable dining experience? Surprisingly, the answer for some is a resounding yes.

Here are five head-turning reviews we came across for Maricopa’s boys — and girls — in blue.

A five-star DUI

Six years ago, William Bracken left an unexpected five-star Google review of Maricopa’s finest after a traffic stop that would have been a nightmare for most.

“I was arrested for DUI a few weeks ago,” Bracken wrote. “The officer that drew my blood was just as kind and respectful asking if I needed water and thanked me for my military service.”

This review garnered a half-dozen likes.

That escalated quickly

Joan Rouse left a positive Facebook review in 2020 with grandmotherly offers for MPD officers — drinks, snacks and even a comforting hug. But like Will Ferrell in Anchorman, things escalated quickly she offered the following:

“If you need additional ammo, just ask. If you need backup, I will stand with you.”

While civilians furnishing police with firepower is likely not best practice, acting as “backup” could be considered a federal crime.

Short and not-so-sweet

Not everyone gave the PD such glowing feedback. Trevor Pearson kept his April 2022 Facebook review concise with just four words: “taxpayer funded domestic terrorists.”

That’s a strong take for someone who still managed to recommend the department.

In a 2018 Facebook review, another online critic boldly questioned, “Where’s Daddy?” — and gave a resounding recommendation.

Flower power

This review may have been intended for the cops in a tiny California city also called Maricopa, but it was too good to leave out. A San Francisco Yelper left the following five-star review in 2011:

“First and foremost, Patrol Cars are supposed to look ‘aggressive’ and intimidating. That’s why police don’t drive VWs with little flowers on the dashboard … So, quit your b*tching.”