Presence versus presents

By Dr. Harriet Phelps

The Be Awesome Youth Coalition wishes you and your families joy and blessings this holiday season. The Be Awesome team continues to boldly believe that we can impact our world by supporting, developing, confident and connected youth in our community. The Coalition continues to offer community-focused programs and services to our youth to redirect them from the potential use of drugs and alcohol.

Our holiday celebrations may cause a great deal of stress for families normally, without the impact from this year’s events. When we add in family conflicts, time constraints, budget concerns and the spread of the virus, this year will be different. Stress is showing up in  increases of domestic violence, substance abuse, impacts from financial losses, shifting schedules and social interactions. Doing things differently does not mean the holidays are canceled. Now is the time to have that family meeting and discuss with your children what you can or cannot do this year. Process the emotions along with the planning.

Discuss the expectations around travel, meal planning and on gift giving. Gifts are meant as symbols of love. In our consumer-oriented society we are stimulated to buy a lot of gifts, which are usually forgotten in a few months. We do not have to create a fanciful situation that dooms us to feelings of disappointment or depression after. I do not remember the gifts given so much as the time spent together around the dinner table and the opening of the gifts.

Determine what is important for your family. When our family moved away from the extended family and could not be present for celebrations, we determined what traditions were important for all of us. We realized the importance of the meal we shared and traditions of that holiday.

Plan creative ways to communicate; parents who discuss with their children the ideals of healthy decisions and the perils of drug abuse will succeed in deflecting unhealthy choices. Engagement tells the other that they are important, and they matter. Talking establishes expectations and ways to handle a difficult situation.

Staying connected means inclusion; you belong and I love you. Focus on what you can do, not on what you cannot. Ask for understanding about what you can do and not on higher expectations. Share the load for the success of the holiday, ask for help. Holiday shopping can be challenged with a $5 bill at the dollar store. It is as simple as buying a premixed bag of cookies and cookie cutters. Drawing coupons good for one hug, taking out the trash or doing the week’s laundry are always welcome. Enjoy holiday goodies and telling each person a compliment about them that is important to you.  Walk the neighborhood looking at the lights and singing Christmas carols brings enjoyment to others. Connection with your child truly is the greatest gift of all.

As always, be awesome.