Parents need to be open, honest about shooting

When it comes to talking to kids about events like Friday’s mass school shooting that killed six adults and 20 elementary students, Davis Plunkett, manager of integrated behavioral health for Sun Life Family Health Center, said honesty is key.

“Be real with them,” Plunkett said. “Let them know it affected you as well. Let them see that.”

However, Plunkett also said it was OK to shelter kids who haven’t been exposed to the tragedy.

“If the child doesn’t bring it up, you don’t necessarily have to introduce it,” he said, pointing out it could only give the child unnecessary anxiety.

If a child does ask questions about it, it’s important to “turn off all cellphone devices, sit down with the child and have an open conversation with them.”

And when tough questions like why the event occurred come up, remember, “It’s OK to say, ‘I don’t know,’” he said.

Plunkett said to reassure children by telling them about safety measures in place but not to make promises that can’t be kept, either.

He cautioned not say events like the Connecticut shooting won’t happen here because “we can’t know that.”

Ensuring the conversation is age-appropriate is important, he said, adding most first- and second-graders may not have the vocabulary to articulate what they are feeling. Putting events into terms they can understand – “some kids got hurt” or “they’re with God now” – is crucial.

That makes it important to ask your child how they are feeling or doing to give them a chance to open up about what, if anything, is bothering them.

And even when they can’t say what they’re feeling, remember children can still see that adults around them may be distressed.

“Kids are very perceptive,” Plunkett said. “They know when something’s going on.”

Signs a child may be having difficulty with information about the shooting they’ve been exposed to include trouble sleeping and acting withdrawn, such as “going right up to their room after school.”